Alright, can we all agree that marriage plus raising kids is hard af? Like the kind of absurdly hard, if you were to play a game describing it without naming, the other person would be like, why would anyone do that
Imagine I came up to you and said. “Yeah, so you are going to share your existence with this person. Share everything. Oh, and they will see you at your worst, and you will see them at their worst. And you just deal with all of their baggage. All of it, good, bad, and the ugly.”
“And then add in like two or three more people. All of which depend on you for all the needs. Like literally need you to survive.”
Now you know why they call it surviving marriage.
Things are Not What They Appear
Hmm… The thing is, we all of this vision of what marriage and kids are supposed to look like. And we think if it doesn’t fit into this mold, then we are failing. Can we all just cut the crap? Because I have found very few times in life, where I was like-“Yup, that happened just like I thought it would.” And really, if you asked me for an example, I couldn’t give you one.
This summer, my husband and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary. A whole decade of love. Or survival if you will. You may think that sounds bleak, but surviving isn’t bad.
When you marry and have kids with someone, you are not just building a life, but living a life with another human. You go through hard times, tough times. Scary times, when you don’t know what the other side looks like. And mixed into the madness are those little moments when you share a knowing look from across the room. Or glance over and just feel how much you love them.
Marriage = Hard Work
Marriage and raising kids is work. Just like anything else, you have to put the effort in. We are all flawed specimens, and most of us are working on those flaws. Sure, it makes it harder to do when you are married, and you are trying to raise your children to be decent adults. But when you put in the work, it makes the hard times a little more bearable and the good times that much sweeter.
I think communication and understanding is the key to surviving marriage. Meaning us ladies, have to say what we need when we need it. Trust me. I am no good at this. I want to appear perfect at all times and don’t ask for help when I should. Often, it backfires on me, landing me in a tougher spot than I would have been if I had just told my husband what I needed. I hate my kids seeing us disagreeing or to be honest, arguing. But it happens. We had very different upbringings. My whole life, I have been in survival mode.
I’m working on it though. I want my children to see that even when there are disagreements, they are resolvable. No one agrees on everything, but it’s how we handle those differences that matter.
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