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Home Baby + Kids

Teaching My Kids About Family Ties That Unravel

Finding the words to teach my kids about strained family relationships with love.

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2018 has been a tricky year. And judging by my social media feeds, I am not the only one. While I feel that I have experienced tremendous growth as a person, but the teaching came with a very hefty price tag.

Seeking Answers

I’ve known for the last few years that something was missing from my life. I just had that nagging feeling that things weren’t the way the should be. Trying to pinpoint the cause would prove to be a tough road.

2018 was full of tough decisions and even tougher acceptances. My family was relatively healthy which was a relief because 2016 and 2017 had been a humdinger in the health department. No, 2018 was all about the emotions.

In March I started seeing a therapist. Things with my mother had reached a point where I felt I needed outside help. My stress and anxiety levels were at an all-time high. I was working a full-time job in a management position for an insurance company that was floundering, running a photography business and writing. While the writing and photography were the things I loved doing, the 9-5 was necessary. I hated it though. The everyday commute in traffic, dealing with issues that I felt I shouldn’t have to and to top it off, it was my mothers business.

Sour Apples

My mom has been married to a man for the last decade plus, that is one of the only people I have met in my life that I actually hated. I mean every fiber of my being hated this man. A know it all, a braggart, a blowhard whatever you call it, it was all the qualities in a person I didn’t want to be around. And I wasn’t the only one. After years of trying to make the things work, it finally came to the point where he couldn’t come to family functions we were at.

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Which was fine, except he also worked at my mother’s company. Needless to say when we had encounters at the office it was not pretty.

For a short time, I was led to believe my mom was going to leave him. But after a bunch of fabricated stories, she instead decided to adopt a baby with him. Why wouldn’t I end up in a therapist office?

After months of working with my therapist, I finally decided to leave her company. Of course, it didn’t go over like I would have hoped and we have little communication in the three months since I left. But to be fair, we weren’t talking much before I left.

The Kids

After my son was born my relationship with my mom improved a little, we had a big fight when he was about two. Kind of worked it out, and then my daughter came. We then entered what I call a honeymoon phase. As a family, we spent a lot of time together. Now we don’t.

Recently my daughter asked why mom doesn’t come around. I fumbled around with the words, because what do you tell a five-year-old? As far she is concerned my mom is someone who buys her lots of Christmas presents or gets her something cool on her birthday.

So I did the best I could. I smiled and told her that my mom is still part of our family. And sometimes, although we may love our family, we aren’t really friends with them. I asked her if she understood and she said she did. I don’t know if what I said was right or not. It’s a crappy situation, how do you know? I am hoping that both my kids see how happier that I am now that I am no longer dealing with that situation. And my biggest hope is that it makes me a better mom.

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