We always hear, you should live a life of no regrets. I think in theory, that is a great idea, but in reality, not exactly doable. Well, maybe for some, but not for me. Because I have loads of regrets and a long list of things if I could do differently, I would.
But then again, did all those mistakes lead me to where I am today?
Stewing in the Past
When I look back at my younger days, some things make me absolutely cringe. And I feel like I am always thinking of the past. Mainly, because I like to look for ways to make the future better. And for me, that means understanding why I was the way I was. But that, my friends, is a topic for another day.
What I wish I could have done differently, is love myself. I wish I would have known, that you don’t need anyone else to believe in you or show you that you are worthy. You only need to be that person for yourself.
I came to the harsh realization the other day that I only loved myself when I was making someone else happy. Friends, lovers, parents, bosses, heck, even random people with nothing to do with my life. If I wasn’t pleasing somebody, I told myself I was worthless. Isn’t that heartbreaking? And I know I am not alone. I know there are lots of us out there who tie up our self worth in others. And usually, those people don’t deserve us on our worst days, let alone when we are giving it our best.
It’s taking me a long time to learn how to love myself. To accept that I am enough, flaws, and all. To be okay with being a work in progress. I think if more of us recognized that, and loved that part of ourselves, we would be better mothers, friends, sisters, daughters, neighbors.
It’s Never Too Late to Do Things Differently
Time travel isn’t possible, so I can’t go back and show myself the light. But I can live it moving forward. I can show my kids how to love themselves first, and the love and compassion they have for others will be greater. Because they’ll understand we are all going through something.
I can’t change the past, and it makes me sad to think of all the wasted opportunity, but I can live in the now. I can make choices that the future me will look back, and say, “Yasss Queen! You did it. Thank you.”
If you find yourself on the struggle bus, first know you are not alone. Some days, I have to literally tell that voice in my head to cut the crap. And she’s good, she’s had years of practice. But I also know that loving the person I am, loving the person I want to be, is the best way I can teach my kids how to be strong, caring and loving individuals. I mean, let’s face it, the world outside our homes is a scary place. We are surrounded by broken people who don’t know how to love themselves. It’s up to us Mama’s to make it better.